Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
