so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
