remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
