I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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