did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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