nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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