This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
