this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
