I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
