All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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