Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
