Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
