scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just gargled with NyQuil
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
