I'm gonna have a badass scar
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
