billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
