you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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