Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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