He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
