Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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