Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
