no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
