Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Found your dick twin last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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