Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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