I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
