this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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