that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i need some magic done to my vagina
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
