after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
