so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
