you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
