ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
