so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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