Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
