Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize