just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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