My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
