Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
