don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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