i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
