Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize