we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
