The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
