I feel great
I just peed on a car
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
