I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
