He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My balls are so social today.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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