I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
