she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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