How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
