Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
