The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
