East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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