I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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