9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
