I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize