sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
