I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
