I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You may now shotgun with the bride
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
