you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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