It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry about my life...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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