We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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