we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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