i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
