Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
