Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
