Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
