Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize