Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
