Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
